Dieting makes me angry
Greetings to the Tribe!
I hope everyone has had a terrific week and that your metabolism equals your appetites. Mine? Not so much.
I have become convinced that Satan is real and he wants me to stay tubby. It never, EVER fails ... I will decide to go on a diet Monday and THAT VERY DAY someone who I haven't seen in 1,000 years will bring over one of her world-famous desserts. Everyone knows that if I do not get to have some of that dessert, I will expire immediately from deprivation.
As a result, I decide to start my diet the next day and one of my generous office friends will bring doughnuts to work from the best bakery in town. Happens. Every. Time. My week will go this way until Friday. As EVERYONE knows, you cannot diet on Friday because that's the National Off-Diet Indulgence Day. If you didn't know that, then you're welcome. Mark it on your calendars. Now.
This leaves us with Saturday and everyone knows you never diet on Saturdays. It is too hard to plan and too many special events happen on Saturday. Duh.
Sunday? Well, Honey, I live in the South. Hello? We go to church and then there's ALWAYS food involved afterward in an endless array of possibilities: potlucks (or, as my ex-husband likes to call them -- eating contests), restaurant time with family -- often involving a buffet and immediately followed by a quick drive home to dive into bed for a nap, or it's eating over at Mama's house where she cooked the Holy Bird -- fried chicken ... or the only other Sunday Sanctioned meat -- pot roast. This is followed by family members sprawled out all over Mama and Daddy's house either watching football or sleeping. At some point, we will get up and go home and then prepare for: Nap - The Sequel.
If I decide to take a break from the diet idea and not worry about what I eat for a while, then no one ever brings by a dessert. EVER. I am never tempted.
With all these dark forces against me, what am I to do? I have thought about exercise. Watching those exercise videos is exhausting! Actually, I took up swimming and that was really successful until the recent temperatures dipped to the teens and zero. The indoor pool at the gym is heated but getting undressed in a cold locker room was ... well, it was too much.
Then there is the fact that it is well documented that dieting makes me angry and mean ... real mean. There is a reason fat people have a reputation for being jolly! It's because we get to EAT!
Whew! Thanks for indulging my rant. I guess my conclusion is that dieting is impossible and should never be attempted. For those who continue to fight the good fight, I raise my pizza slice in your honor.
Until next time,
LA
I hope everyone has had a terrific week and that your metabolism equals your appetites. Mine? Not so much.
I have become convinced that Satan is real and he wants me to stay tubby. It never, EVER fails ... I will decide to go on a diet Monday and THAT VERY DAY someone who I haven't seen in 1,000 years will bring over one of her world-famous desserts. Everyone knows that if I do not get to have some of that dessert, I will expire immediately from deprivation.
As a result, I decide to start my diet the next day and one of my generous office friends will bring doughnuts to work from the best bakery in town. Happens. Every. Time. My week will go this way until Friday. As EVERYONE knows, you cannot diet on Friday because that's the National Off-Diet Indulgence Day. If you didn't know that, then you're welcome. Mark it on your calendars. Now.
This leaves us with Saturday and everyone knows you never diet on Saturdays. It is too hard to plan and too many special events happen on Saturday. Duh.
Sunday? Well, Honey, I live in the South. Hello? We go to church and then there's ALWAYS food involved afterward in an endless array of possibilities: potlucks (or, as my ex-husband likes to call them -- eating contests), restaurant time with family -- often involving a buffet and immediately followed by a quick drive home to dive into bed for a nap, or it's eating over at Mama's house where she cooked the Holy Bird -- fried chicken ... or the only other Sunday Sanctioned meat -- pot roast. This is followed by family members sprawled out all over Mama and Daddy's house either watching football or sleeping. At some point, we will get up and go home and then prepare for: Nap - The Sequel.
If I decide to take a break from the diet idea and not worry about what I eat for a while, then no one ever brings by a dessert. EVER. I am never tempted.
With all these dark forces against me, what am I to do? I have thought about exercise. Watching those exercise videos is exhausting! Actually, I took up swimming and that was really successful until the recent temperatures dipped to the teens and zero. The indoor pool at the gym is heated but getting undressed in a cold locker room was ... well, it was too much.
Then there is the fact that it is well documented that dieting makes me angry and mean ... real mean. There is a reason fat people have a reputation for being jolly! It's because we get to EAT!
Whew! Thanks for indulging my rant. I guess my conclusion is that dieting is impossible and should never be attempted. For those who continue to fight the good fight, I raise my pizza slice in your honor.
Until next time,
LA
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